Be an ideal student!

By M.N. Sulehri
Leave the bed only fifteen minutes before the first period starts. Rush towards the canteen, swallow your breakfast, and step forth to the classroom if you have the slightest propensity to attend the first period. Steal a glance over the back seats. If there is an empty one, pounce upon it.

When the teacher utters the first sentence of the lecture, and his eyes travel towards your unwashed face, unkempt hair, half-shut eyes, and hands devoid of pen and paper, try to dodge him.

The best possible way to escape from this menacing sight is to shrink and push your head under the arms of the fellow sitting next to you. Stay there unless he fists your head. Try bluffing the teacher or bear the scolding and be prepared for the next attack.

Be confident enough to exhibit your knowledge and the fact that you know everything about the specific subject being taught and what you don’t know is so trivial that it needs not to be known in any case. Play your cards shrewdly and enjoy the benefits of being a backbencher.

The first benefit of being a backbencher is that you can feast your eyes on the opposite sex. Secondly, you can avoid the shower of questions by the teacher, which, at any time, may initiate a discussion. This is really detrimental to your calmness and hermit-like disposition. Why should you allow others to disturb your privacy? Why should you indulge in this hula gulla? An accomplished and erudite individual never likes to show off his knowledge. Thirdly, you can discuss with the co-benchers, matters pertaining to past, present, and future.
Last but not least; you may have to, at some time or the other, doze off in the classroom. After all your strained sinews need some rest. The frontbenchers don’t have a chance to enjoy this blessing. Those who relish this opportunity are the backbenchers whether in the classrooms or in the assemblies.

But be alert, if you are caught red-handed during the laborious job of nodding, you won’t be exempted. You will have to move out of the class. Don’t do it, unless with an air of dignity, because you have resisted many such odd circumstances to defend your lethargy. Remember a man can be destroyed but cannot be defeated. Carry on! Always have a contingency plan to win more laurels. Participate in literary activities, but alas! these are below your intellect and also no more than wastage of time and energy. They may push you into the vortex of ideas and you know better than to indulge in excessive thinking. So, leave it and participate in some constructive and lucrative activity. Chalk out a program to visit a cinema. If your pocket is as empty as a beggar’s bowl early in the morning, borrow some money from your friend. If he refuses, don’t lose heart, after all, you are the true embodiment of Iqbal’s Shaheen. Re-schedule your program. Do go to the cinema but be willing to gain contentment from the posters only.

Anyhow, if you are naturally inclined to attend the literary session, remember that solitude is the best abode for refuge. You must follow Shakespeare’s maxim, “Give everyone thy ear, but few thy voice”.

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