‘Humorist by birth’

By M.N Sulehri
Mr. J. claims to be a humorist of the first rank. He compares himself with Jerome. K. Jerome, Zameer Jafri and Patras Bokhari. As all these humourists have departed from this world, so their humour is also out-dated. He still writes, rather tries to write and does have an edge over them, no matter whether people like him or not.
He is a humorist because he has been a laughing stock after the very next day of his birth. On that crucial day his father asked his mother, “what this thing is?” his mother replied, “it is a baby”. “Oh shit! If this is a baby, then what is the elder one”, his father responded with wonder.
When our humorist was hardly one and a half month old, one day he was lying in his cradle sucking his thumb, meanwhile a troop of crows from the nearby tree attacked him. But they had to cut a sorry figure because of the timely interference of grandmom. Why the crows attacked him?
Perhaps, they wanted to have this piece in their nest. But why the grandma saved him is still a matter to be known.
When he reached the university, he never lagged behind in his respective field, i.e. humour. Because of undue attention towards it, he had to suffer a lot. The names of the writers always got jumbled up in his mind. First he thought T.S. Eliot and George Eliot were two sisters. He often referred to Bronte and Eliot as sisters. But when during a lecture the teacher uttered T.S. Eliot as “he”, our sensitive humorist was struck with wonder. He wanted to contradict the teacher but his sluggish disposition didn’t allow him to say anything. After a few weeks with the help of some intellectual friends he got rid of this confusion, he concluded, “what the funny hellish English names are.”
Anyhow, he passed his M.A., the greatest achievement of the last decade of the 20th century. But, alas! He was awarded with third division which prompted him to give up the idea of becoming a lecturer. Then he thought of appearing in the competitive exams. He contacted several candidates for the selections of subjects. After the hard discussion of six months this problem was solved. But another was lurking in his head. That was the issues of quota system. He waited for the court decision and when the court decided in favour of the quota system, one day while going to cinema he swore before a mosque that unless the system was abolished he would not appear in the competitive exams.
In this way he has now many years to prepare for the CSS exams. Now he gives full time to his friends. To cut jokes is his preoccupation. But, whenever he cuts a joke, his friends get infuriated and start laughing. Oft-times he has to explain his jokes.
This indifferent attitude of his friends coerced him to revert to write humour, his inborn passion. One day when he was writing something humorous, his cousin called up on him and he was unfortunately well-versed in English language. Mr. J. took this opportunity for granted and handed her this piece of literature. She read it and directed a baneful glance at our poor writer. She flung the paper in front of him and left the room without uttering even a single world. This irritated him a lot. He kept on thinking for several hours why she had behaved in this way. And why she had left the room, is still another matter to be known.

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